Play as Self Care
Using play time to fuel connection and wellness for you and your child
New parents feel a love for their child that is beyond measure. However, sometimes connecting with your child is a common struggle among parents. Infancy is foreign to most new parents, and as children get older, parents feel unsure how to connect with a toddler or preschooler. As a parent, the feeling of not knowing what to do with your children or feeling like playtime is another chore can produce a lot of guilt. Anxiety over lacking parental instincts or feeling so exhausted at trying to accomplish “all the things” to build that connection with your child can feel very overwhelming And when the expectations are so high on what parenthood “should” look like, it can be daunting to even try.
There is no ignoring the fact that 2020 has unleashed a large amount of added stress on families everywhere. If there isn’t one extra burden on your family, then there are two, three, or even more.
Additional stress and uncertainty causes new parents to feel even more distracted and overwhelmed causing an even greater struggle to connect and actually enjoy spending time with your child(ren).
I am here to reassure you that all of these feelings are normal. You are not alone in feeling this way.
Tips on how to use play as self care by San Diego Experts
I am also here to reassure you that being present, mindful, and connected to your child can be made easier through a very simple habit of play. Nothing speaks louder to a child than play. Play is a child’s love language. It is the way they interact with the world, it is the way they learn new ideas, and it is the way they build confidence. Play can also be the way for new parents to gain all of these skills and mindsets too!
The body heals with play. The mind heals with laughter. The spirit heals with joy. – Proverb
Dr. Laura Markham, a peaceful parenting expert, recommends a daily “Special Time” between parent and child for a set duration…5, 10, 15 minutes. You determine what you can complete successfully, and commit to making it a daily practice. Just 5 minutes per day?! Did you know it could be that easy? Her research shows that this simple ritual builds connection better than any other.
Fully engage in a simple activity with your child for a set amount of time. No distractions, no cellphone, no laundry in the corner calling your name. Work mindfully to be 100% fully present in the moment with your child. Turn off any distractions, and if they occur, gently push them away. If you struggle to not think about something else during this time, try to put yourself in your child’s perspective. Imagine what the activity must feel like from his or her vantage point of vision, emotion, and newness in the world.
Now what if you’re saying, what do I do during that time? Here are some easy suggestions. But always, follow the lead and the temperament of your child. And as he/she gets older, give him/her the option to pick what he/she would like to do.
Play Tips for all ages groups
Infant Play
Goal: Eye contact and loving touch.
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Read board books together.
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Sing songs.
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Dance together to your favorite song.
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Puppet play.
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Gaze at each other in a mirror.
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Peekaboo.
Toddler Play
Goal: Let the child be in control.
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Block Time – You build, he destroys.
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Bath as play – pouring, dumping, filling.
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Take a wander; let her lead.
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Stuffed animal picnic.
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Rough housing (without tickling).
Preschool Play
Goal: Enter her world.
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Build a fort.
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Let him pick his favorite pretend dimension (pirates, royalty, animals, etc) and go there.
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Simple Art Time – Process over product using simple tools: bingo bottle, stickers, crayons.
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Sidewalk chalk – take turns outlining each other.
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Bake together.
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Scavenger Walk – come up with five things to find in the neighborhood ( roly poly, brown leaf, rock, etc)
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Rough housing (without tickling).
Rest and play are as vital to our health as nutrition and exercise. –Brene Brown
How Play and Self Care go Hand in Hand
The magic of incorporated this habit into your day is that it provides benefits for parent, child, and the parent-child connection.
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You take a mindful moment for yourself to build connection with someone you love and play for the sheer joy of it.
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Your child is reinforced by your attention and love and is encouraged to be attentive and curious with the world around him or her.
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Your connection and bond is strengthened by mutual attention on a single activity and enjoying uninterrupted time together.
Now that you know the recipe of mixing a simple short habit of connection (be present with someone you love) and/or play (do something for the sheer joy of it), a mindful moment for yourself and your child should be a lot easier to accomplish in the future.
San Diego Guest Blogger
Text and concept provided by Jill Durby, Owner of Gymboree Play & Music. Connect with Jill and learn more about her business and philosophy using any of the channels below.
IG: @gymboreesd